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Friday, July 12, 2013

The Iowa Supreme Court is Too Goddamn Sexy

In case you missed it, the Iowa Supreme Court has ruled that employers can fire their employees if there is a credible threat presented to the employer's marriage, regardless if the employee has engaged in flirtatious or inappropriate behavior.

To put it another way: seven men decided that if a man is hot and bothered by a woman who works for him, he's allowed to fire her out of fear for his marriage because he may or may not engage in inappropriate behavior despite not knowing if her feelings are reciprocal, regardless if she initiates anything.

I think is a genius ruling. I mean sure, given the universe of sexual fetishes and shades of attraction, there's certainly no way to know if a supervisor may have a thing for Regina in accounting because she has facial hair or wears polyester (yum!) or has a voice that sounds like Al Pacino, which gets him sooo hot. So, if an employer can simply demonstrate an unusual sexual proclivity based on the employee's appearance, he would have cause to fire her.

And when you think about it, this pretty much gives an indirect endorsement of rape culture, you know, the whole "well, she shouldn't have worn something so provocative; she brought it on herself" deal.

But whatevs. All I know is that I finally can rest easy knowing the Iowa Supreme Court will be fired. No longer will I have to endure seeing them on television or in the newspaper or hear their names on the radio and feel tempted to get get 'em.

You see, these are all elected or appointed officials. They are public servants. As taxpayers, we employee them.

And let me tell you, when I see Chief Justice Mark Cady's picture in the paper, gosh... I just want to run my tongue over that Anderson-Cooper-silver hair and those rimless glasses. His stunning eyes and authoritative manner of speaking is just, so... Mmmm.

Justice Edward Mansfield is just as hot. His salt-and-pepper scruff makes me go places in my mind that I'd never dare venture in public. Some would characterize him as portly, but I like a little meat on the bones. He has a reverse hour glass figure that makes me count the minutes until I'll see him again.

Same thing for Justice Bruce Zager. He has this Mitch-McConnell-esque sex appeal that would drive anyone with a turtle fetish absolutely wild.

Whew, goodness... these sexy misogynists will be the end of me. Fire 'em.

(Special thanks to Deb Felsy.)

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